_  __   _  _         _ _     _      _           _           
  __| |/ /_ | || |     __| (_)___| | __ (_)_ __   __| | _____  __
 / _` | '_ \| || |_   / _` | / __| |/ / | | '_ \ / _` |/ _ \ \/ /
| (_| | (_) |__   _| | (_| | \__ \   <  | | | | | (_| |  __/>  < 
 \__,_|\___/   |_|    \__,_|_|___/_|\_\ |_|_| |_|\__,_|\___/_/\_\

DISTORTER #1

FILE INFORMATION

FILENAME(S): DISTORTER #1

FILE TYPE(S): SEQ

FILE SIZE: 11.7K

FIRST SEEN: 2025-11-30 18:17:10

APPEARS ON: 1 disk(s)

FILE HASH

8860e11c6934fe0c1cf728869e9bb437813614dacea27eb968d1f2b28a7baba3

FOUND ON DISKS (1 DISKS)

DISK TITLE FILENAME FILE TYPE COLLECTION TRACK SECTOR ACTIONS
CENSOR 3 PSYCHO DISTORTER #1 SEQ Sailor, Pbv 22 8 DOWNLOAD FILE

FILE CONTENT & ANALYSIS

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00002920: 2E 0D 0D 05 C2 D6 2E D4  2E 3A 20 97 C9 20 45 4E  |.........: .. EN|
00002930: 4A 4F 59 20 48 41 56 49  4E 47 20 53 4C 55 54 53  |JOY HAVING SLUTS|
00002940: 20 41 52 4F 55 4E 44 20  4D 45 0D 20 20 20 20 20  | AROUND ME.     |
00002950: 20 20 49 4E 20 4D 59 20  50 41 4E 54 53 20 57 48  |  IN MY PANTS WH|
00002960: 49 4C 45 20 49 20 50 4C  41 59 21 0D 0D 05 D3 D0  |ILE I PLAY!.....|
00002970: C9 D4 3A 20 97 CD 59 20  4C 45 4D 4D 49 4E 47 20  |..: ..Y LEMMING |
00002980: 4B 4E 4F 57 53 20 48 4F  57 20 54 4F 20 4D 49 58  |KNOWS HOW TO MIX|
00002990: 20 0D 20 20 20 20 20 20  43 45 4D 45 4E 54 20 41  | .      CEMENT A|
000029A0: 4E 44 20 46 49 4C 4C 20  4F 55 54 20 43 4F 4D 50  |ND FILL OUT COMP|
000029B0: 4C 49 43 41 54 45 44 0D  20 20 20 20 20 20 49 4E  |LICATED.      IN|
000029C0: 53 55 52 41 4E 43 45 20  46 4F 52 4D 53 2E 20 C8  |SURANCE FORMS. .|
000029D0: 45 20 41 4C 53 4F 20 4F  57 4E 53 20 41 0D 20 20  |E ALSO OWNS A.  |
000029E0: 20 20 20 20 4C 41 57 20  46 49 52 4D 2C 20 57 4F  |    LAW FIRM, WO|
000029F0: 55 4C 44 20 59 4F 55 20  4C 49 4B 45 20 54 4F 20  |ULD YOU LIKE TO |
00002A00: 53 45 45 0D 20 20 20 20  20 20 48 49 53 20 42 55  |SEE.      HIS BU|
00002A10: 53 49 4E 45 53 53 20 43  41 52 44 3F 0D 0D 05 C4  |SINESS CARD?....|
00002A20: C9 D3 D4 3A 20 97 D0 4C  45 41 53 45 2C 20 4E 4F  |...: ..LEASE, NO|
00002A30: 2E 20 C9 20 41 4C 52 45  41 44 59 20 47 4F 54 20  |. . ALREADY GOT |
00002A40: 4F 4E 45 2E 0D 20 20 20  20 20 20 D7 48 41 54 20  |ONE..      .HAT |
00002A50: 43 41 4E 20 57 45 20 45  58 50 45 43 54 20 46 52  |CAN WE EXPECT FR|
00002A60: 4F 4D 20 54 4F 4E 49 47  48 54 53 0D 20 20 20 20  |OM TONIGHTS.    |
00002A70: 20 20 53 48 4F 57 3F 0D  0D 05 C8 2E CD 2E 3A 20  |  SHOW?.......: |
00002A80: 97 D7 48 41 54 20 54 48  45 20 46 55 43 4B 20 44  |..HAT THE FUCK D|
00002A90: 4F 20 59 4F 55 20 54 48  49 4E 4B 20 57 45 27 52  |O YOU THINK WE'R|
00002AA0: 45 0D 20 20 20 20 20 20  47 4F 4E 4E 41 20 44 4F  |E.      GONNA DO|
00002AB0: 3F 20 CD 41 44 4F 4E 4E  41 20 43 4F 56 45 52 53  |? .ADONNA COVERS|
00002AC0: 3F 0D 0D 05 C2 D6 2E D4  2E 3A 20 97 D7 45 4C 4C  |?........: ..ELL|
00002AD0: 2C 20 57 45 20 53 48 4F  55 4C 44 20 48 41 56 45  |, WE SHOULD HAVE|
00002AE0: 20 53 4F 4D 45 20 4D 55  53 49 43 0D 20 20 20 20  | SOME MUSIC.    |
00002AF0: 20 20 20 54 48 45 52 45  20 53 4F 4D 45 57 48 45  |   THERE SOMEWHE|
00002B00: 52 45 2E 20 C2 55 54 20  54 48 45 52 45 20 D7 C9  |RE. .UT THERE ..|
00002B10: CC CC 0D 20 20 20 20 20  20 20 42 45 20 4C 4F 54  |...       BE LOT|
00002B20: 53 20 4F 46 20 42 4C 4F  4F 44 20 41 4E 44 20 53  |S OF BLOOD AND S|
00002B30: 48 49 54 2E 0D 0D 05 D3  D0 C9 D4 3A 20 97 C8 45  |HIT........: ..E|
00002B40: 59 20 49 4C 4C 20 53 45  54 20 4D 59 20 4C 45 4D  |Y ILL SET MY LEM|
00002B50: 4D 49 4E 47 20 4F 4E 20  46 49 52 45 0D 20 20 20  |MING ON FIRE.   |
00002B60: 20 20 20 41 4E 44 20 50  4C 41 59 20 49 54 20 57  |   AND PLAY IT W|
00002B70: 49 54 48 20 4D 59 20 54  45 45 54 48 21 20 C1 52  |ITH MY TEETH! .R|
00002B80: 45 0D 20 20 20 20 20 20  59 4F 55 20 9B D2 C5 C1  |E.      YOU ....|
00002B90: CC CC D9 2C 20 D2 C5 C1  CC CC D9 20 D3 D5 D2 C5  |..., ...... ....|
00002BA0: 20 97 59 4F 55 20 44 4F  4E 54 0D 20 20 20 20 20  | .YOU DONT.     |
00002BB0: 20 57 41 4E 54 20 54 4F  20 53 45 45 20 49 54 3F  | WANT TO SEE IT?|
00002BC0: 0D 0D 05 C4 C9 D3 D4 3A  20 98 CF 48 20 41 4C 52  |.......: ..H ALR|
00002BD0: 49 47 48 54 20 41 4C 52  45 41 44 59 2E 20 CC 45  |IGHT ALREADY. .E|
00002BE0: 54 53 20 53 45 45 20 54  48 49 53 0D 20 20 20 20  |TS SEE THIS.    |
00002BF0: 20 20 44 41 4D 4E 45 44  20 4C 45 4D 4D 49 4E 47  |  DAMNED LEMMING|
00002C00: 2E 2E 2E 0D 0D 05 C8 2E  CD 2E 3A 20 97 D3 D4 C1  |..........: ....|
00002C10: CE C4 A0 C2 C1 C3 CB 21  21 0D 0D 05 D3 D0 C9 D4  |.......!!.......|
00002C20: 3A 20 97 28 55 4E 5A 49  50 53 20 46 4C 59 20 41  |: .(UNZIPS FLY A|
00002C30: 4E 44 20 42 52 41 4E 44  49 53 48 45 53 20 20 20  |ND BRANDISHES   |
00002C40: 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20  20 20 20 20 4D 45 4D 42  |            MEMB|
00002C50: 45 52 29 20 D3 45 45 2C  20 54 48 49 53 20 49 53  |ER) .EE, THIS IS|
00002C60: 20 4D 59 20 4C 45 4D 4D  49 4E 47 2E 0D 20 20 20  | MY LEMMING..   |
00002C70: 20 20 20 C9 53 4E 54 20  48 45 20 4E 49 43 45 20  |   .SNT HE NICE |
00002C80: 41 4E 44 20 46 55 52 52  59 3F 20 D7 4F 55 4C 44  |AND FURRY? .OULD|
00002C90: 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20  20 20 20 59 4F 55 20 4C  |           YOU L|
00002CA0: 49 4B 45 20 54 4F 20 50  45 54 20 48 49 4D 3F 0D  |IKE TO PET HIM?.|
00002CB0: 0D 05 C4 C9 D3 D4 3A 20  97 98 D4 48 41 54 53 20  |......: ...HATS |
00002CC0: 44 49 47 55 53 54 49 4E  47 2E 20 C9 4D 20 4C 45  |DIGUSTING. .M LE|
00002CD0: 41 56 49 4E 47 2E 2E 2E  0D 0D 1F C0 C0 C0 C0 C0  |AVING...........|
00002CE0: C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0  C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0  |................|
00002CF0: C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0  C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0  |................|
00002D00: C0 0D 0D 1C CF 4B 20 53  4F 20 4D 55 43 48 20 46  |.....K SO MUCH F|
00002D10: 4F 52 20 54 48 45 20 46  49 52 53 54 20 49 53 53  |OR THE FIRST ISS|
00002D20: 55 45 20 4F 46 20 54 48  49 53 0D 0D 57 4F 4E 44  |UE OF THIS..WOND|
00002D30: 45 52 46 55 4C 20 4E 45  57 20 50 45 52 56 45 52  |ERFUL NEW PERVER|
00002D40: 54 45 44 20 4D 41 47 2E  2E 2E 0D 0D 1F C0 C0 C0  |TED MAG.........|
00002D50: C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0  C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0  |................|
00002D60: C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0  C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0  |................|
00002D70: C0 C0 C0 C0 0D 1E 0D C4  49 53 54 4F 52 54 45 52  |........ISTORTER|
00002D80: 20 CD 41 47 41 5A 49 4E  45 20 9A 49 53 20 50 55  | .AGAZINE .IS PU|
00002D90: 42 4C 49 53 48 45 44 20  57 48 45 52 45 0D 45 56  |BLISHED WHERE.EV|
00002DA0: 45 52 20 57 45 20 44 41  4D 4E 20 50 4C 45 41 53  |ER WE DAMN PLEAS|
00002DB0: 45 2E 20 D4 48 45 20 4C  4F 43 41 54 49 4F 4E 20  |E. .HE LOCATION |
00002DC0: 4F 46 20 54 48 45 45 44  49 54 4F 52 49 41 4C 20  |OF THEEDITORIAL |
00002DD0: 41 4E 44 20 50 52 4F 44  55 43 54 49 4F 4E 20 44  |AND PRODUCTION D|
00002DE0: 14 46 41 43 49 4C 49 54  49 45 53 20 49 53 0D 4E  |.FACILITIES IS.N|
00002DF0: 4F 4E 45 20 4F 46 20 59  4F 55 52 20 44 41 4D 4E  |ONE OF YOUR DAMN|
00002E00: 20 42 55 53 49 4E 45 53  53 2E 20 1E C4 49 53 54  | BUSINESS. ..IST|
00002E10: 4F 52 54 45 52 0D 9A 52  45 53 45 52 56 45 53 20  |ORTER..RESERVES |
00002E20: 54 48 45 20 52 49 47 48  54 20 54 4F 20 49 4E 43  |THE RIGHT TO INC|
00002E30: 4C 55 44 45 20 4C 49 42  45 4C 20 41 4E 44 0D 50  |LUDE LIBEL AND.P|
00002E40: 49 53 53 20 45 56 45 52  59 42 4F 44 59 20 4F 46  |ISS EVERYBODY OF|
00002E50: 46 2E 0D 0D 1C 28 C3 29  20 31 39 38 39 20 C4 C9  |F....(.) 1989 ..|
00002E60: D3 D4 CF D2 D4 C5 D2 20  CD C1 C7 C1 DA C9 CE C5  |....... ........|
00002E70: 20 0D 0D 96 41 4C 4C 20  52 49 47 48 54 53 20 52  | ...ALL RIGHTS R|
00002E80: 45 53 45 52 56 45 44 0D  0D 1F D9 4F 55 52 20 C5  |ESERVED....OUR .|
00002E90: 44 49 54 4F 52 3A 20 97  D4 98 48 9B 45 20 97 C1  |DITOR: ...H.E ..|
00002EA0: 98 54 9B 41 97 4D 98 41  9B 4E 0D 0D 1F C0 C0 C0  |.T.A.M.A.N......|
00002EB0: C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0  C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0  |................|
00002EC0: C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0  C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0 C0  |................|
00002ED0: C0 C0 C0 C0 C0                                    |.....           |

........................................
..           .D I S T O R T E R.........
................................. .   ..
VOLUME 666  .7/26/89 .BY:.T.H.E .A.T.A.M
.A.N....................................
.......TABLE OF DISCONTENTS.............
...........1. DISTORTAGE (TEST OF RELIAB
ILITY)...2. A HARD LOOK AT TOPLESS PIZZA
 DELIVERY..3. ROCK GROUP OF THE MONTH...
4. INTERVIEW WITH ROCK GROUP OF MONTH...
........................................
.OK WELCOME TO THE VIRGIN ISSUE OF ...DI
STORTER MAGAZINE...CREATED AND ...PRODUC
ED BY ME ...ME...ENJOY..................
............................            
                          ______________
________________________                
                      ..................
....................                    
                  ................ DISTO
RTAGE ................ ..DISTORTER TESTS
 CONDOMS FOR RELIABILITY... IN THIS AGE 
OF INCREASED SEXUAL .PARANOIA, THE STAFF
 OF .DISTORTER .HAS .TAKEN IT UPON THEMS
ELVES TO DO SOME.PUBLIC SERVICE WORK ON 
BEHALF OF THE .PEOPLE. THE TESTS COME AT
 A TIME WHEN.THE CONSUMER REPORT INDICAT
ED THAT THE.BRANK OF CONDOMS FOUND IN CA
NDY MACHINESHAVE THE HIGHEST FAILURE RAT
E.. A LEADING NATIONAL BRAND WAS TESTED.
AGAINST THE CANDY MACHINE VARIETY. .FACT
ORS THAT WERE CONSIDERED INCLUDED.FLEXIB
ILITY, EASE OF USE, FEEL, .SENSITIVITY, 
AND LOAD CAPACITY.. EDITOR-IN-GRIEF COMM
ENTED: 'I POURED   A BEER INTO ONE AND I
T CAUSED NO.NOTICEABLE SIDE EFFECTS. I H
AVE TO SAY,.CONDOMS AND GOOD HEAD .DO .G
O WELL .TOGETHER'.. OLD EDITOR BIG BILL 
SAID: 'WELL, IM .BASICALLY A FINGER-BLAS
TER MYSELF. .THESE NATIONAL CONDOMS REAL
LY HOLD UP.WELL AND THE SPERMICIDE NONOX
YNOL-9.CREATES A FUN, SLIPPERY FEEL ON O
NE'S.DIGITS'..  'IF I COULD GET THE THIN
G ON A BEER.CAN, THEN I KNOW IT IS RELIA
BLE ENUFF.FOR ME' QUIPPED EXCUTING EDITO
R. 'PLUS.IT'S A GOOD WAY TO LOOSEN THEM 
UP, AS.SOMETIMES THEYRE TOO TIGHT AND CA
N CUT.OFF CIRCULATION...'.  MISMANAGING 
EDITOR WAS ENCHANTED WITH.THE TENSILE ST
RENGTH AND OVERALL.CAPACITY OF THE NATIO
NAL BRAND. 'IT .INFLATES EASILY; IM EXTR
EMELY IMPRESSED,I GOT ONE UP TO 50 P.S.I
! THATS FRIGGIN'AMAZING!!'.  PORNOGRAPHE
R RON EXCLAIMED 'HEY, MAN.I AINT BRAGGIN
 BUT I GOT A BIG HEAD, SO.IT NEEDS TO BE
 SNUG, YET SENSTITIVE....THE NATIONAL BR
AND DOES THE JOB!'.  A DISTORTER TYPESET
TER, WHO WISHED TO.REMAIN ANONYMOUS SAID
 'WELL, FOR ME .PERSONALLY I HAVE TO BE 
CONCERNED WITH.THE LENGTH OF A CONDOM. I
 GAVE IT THE .OLD STRETCH TEST AND I THI
NK I CAN WORK.WITH IT.'.  .THE CONCLUSIO
N: .DISTORTER STATES:.'IF YOU TAKE YOUR 
BOFFS AS SERIOUSLY AS.WE DO, THEN YOU WO
NT BUY CHEAPIES. GO.NATIONAL!'..........
................................        
                               .........
..............................          
                             ...........
.............................A 'HARD' LO
OK AT TOPLESS PIZZA DELIVERY!...........
...............................  .'IVE G
OT A PAIR OF...COUPONS!' 'I SUREDO LIKE 
THOSE TOPPINGS!'  SUCH ARE THE.KINDS OF 
REMARKS MADE BY CUSTOMERS OF .THE INNOVA
TIVE NEW MARKETING TECHNIQUE.KNOWN AS TO
PLESS PIZZA DELIVERY. NO,.THAT DOESNT ME
AN THAT THE PIZZA HAS NO.CHEESE OR PEPPE
RONI .. WHAT IT DOES MEANIS THAT SOME OF
 THE MALE PIZZA EATERS.WILL GET AN EYEFU
L WHEN THEY ANSWER THE.DOOR..  ONE POPUL
AR DELIVERY GIRL FOR A LOCAL.CHAIN, WHO 
GOES BY THE NICKNAME "CHEEZY.AND EASY" S
AYS THAT THE IDEA HAS REALLY.'TAKEN OFF'
. 'I GET A KICK OUT OF THIS,.ITS LIKE YO
U KNOW, YOU CAN MEET SOME .REALLY CUTE G
UYS THIS WAY, AND THERE IS.NO PRETENSION
S BETWEEN ME AND THE .CUSTOMERS. EVERYTH
ING IS UP FRONT AND.VISIBLE'..  AND THE 
CUSTOMERS ARE JUST EATING IT .UP. PIZZA 
SALES ARE SKYROCKETING SINCE.THE INTRODU
CTION OF THE NEW FAD. 'I .LOVE IT' SAYS 
ONE CUSTOMER. 'ONE TIME I.HAD FUN 'CAUSE
 I PAID HER WITH CHANGE..I WANTED TO SEE
 WHERE SHE WAS GONNA PUT.IT ALL CUZ ALL 
THEY WEAR IS UNDERWEAR.AND SHOES! HELL, 
SHE MUSTA HAD $7.64 IN.CHANGE BUT SHE DI
DNT EVEN HAVE A PURSE!.AND THOSE TITS! W
HEW! I GAVE HER A .COUPON FOR EXTRA TOPP
ING BUT I HAD .NO.IDEA!.'.  ONE MIGHT TH
INK THAT LIFE ISNT EASY .FOR A TOPLESS P
IZZA DELIVERY GIRL. WELL.THE JOB DOES CO
ME WITH ITS OWN PECUILAR.HAZARDS. SOME M
EN GET A BIT TOO EXCITED,AND HAVE WOUND 
UP WITH PIPING HOT CHEESE IN THEIR PANTS
.  OOH MY HOT ACHING.SAUSAGE!.  SOME WOM
EN WHO MAY FIND THE IDEA OF .TOPLESS PIZ
ZA DELIVERY OFFENSIVE SHOULD.CONSIDER ON
E OF THE BENFITS -- THE .CUSTOMERS ARE B
IG TIPPERS. THE AROMA OF.THE TOMATOE SAU
CE AND OREGANO AND A .GREAT SET OF TITS 
PROVES TO BE A DEADLY.COMBINATION FOR MA
NY, CAUSING A SHIFT.FROM HOME COOKING TO
 ORDERING OUT FOR .PIZZA..  TWO LOCAL CH
AINS HAVE BEEN COMPETING.FIERCELY AND BA
TTLING FOR THIER SLICE.OF THE PIE -- .PI
ZZA PIE, THAT IS....  .SOME OF THE POPUL
AR SPECIALS OFFERED.INCLUDE THE MAMBO MA
MMARY MEATBALL.PIE, FEATURING BREAST SHA
PED BALLS OF.MEAT. ANOTHER ONE IS AREOLA
 ANCHOVY.EXTRAVAGANZA. .  DELIVERING THE
 PIZZAS HAS A NEW TWIST,AS THE GIRLS MUS
T MAKE SURE TO BE CLEAN.AND FRESH AT ALL
 TIMES.. ' IT WOULD JUSTRUIN THE WHOLE T
HING IF I WAS DELIVERINGPIZZA TO SOE GUY
 AND HE GROSSED OUT .BECAUSE I HAVE SMEL
LY ARMPITS' SAYS .CHEEZY..  BUSINESS WIL
L SOON BE MUCH SIMPLER.FOR GIRLS LIKE CH
EEZY AS THE WARM.WEATHER APPROACHES. 'IT
 WAS HELL IN .THE WINTER! I MEAN STANDIN
G OUTSIDE .WITH NOTHING ON BUT SKIMPY LI
TTLE .PANTIES...IT GOT SO DAMNED COLD YO
U KNOW BUT THE GUYS LOVED IT. I GOT SO S
ICK OFHEARING: ".YOUR HIGH BEAMS ARE ON.
" BUT I.GUESS IT'S PART OF THE JOB.... .
  SO WE CAN ONLY WAIT AND SEE WHAT WILL.
COME NEXT AS THE TOPLESS PIZZA DELIVERY.
FAD SWEEPS THE NATION. ONE THINGS FOR .S
URE, WHEN THE PIZZA ARRIVES THERE WILL.B
E A MORE THAN 'A COUPLE' OF REASONS .FOR
 ENJOYING SOME GOOD PIE.................
............................            
                          ..............
........................                
                      ..................
....................   .  SATAN BITES TH
E BIG ONE!..............................
.............  .THE ALL-TIME ULTIMATE PU
NK/THRASH/.METAL GROUP, .SATAN,.AFTER A 
RECORD.SETTING LENGTH OF NINE WEEKS TOGE
THER,.HAS FINALLY PUT FORTH THE ONE AND 
ONLY.ALBUM THAT WILL PROABLY BE PRODUCED
 BY.THEM IN THEIR COLLECTIVE LIFETIMES..
.SATAN'S GREATEST HITS .SHOULD BE IN .ST
ORES WORLD-WIDE AS SOON AS THE .MEMBERS 
OF THE GROUP, LUCIFER SPIT,.BEELZEBUB VO
N TRAPP AND HELEN MUCOUS.ARE RELEASED FR
OM THE HOSTIPTAL THEY.WERE ADMITTED TO A
FTER A SLIGHT.MANAGEMENT DISAGREEMENT.. 
 'THEYRE BOTH COMPLETE FUCKING .ASSHOLES
' STATES MUCOUS, VOCALIST AND .LEAD ELEC
TRIC TRIANGLIST FOR THE GROUP.'I HOPE TH
EY BOTH BOIL IN A FESTERING.PIT OF THEIR
 OWN FLAMING DIARRHEA'.  WHEN THEY WERE 
ASKED ABOUT WHAT THEY.ALL DISAGREED ON S
O VIOLENTLY THAT .NIGHT. MUCOUS SHOUTED 
'NONE OF YOUR.FUCKIN' BUSINESS DICKFACE!
!' BUT AFTER.SHE WAS GIVEN HER HOURLY DO
SE OF .VALIUM, SHE RECANTED 'SPIT WANTED
 .TO RELEASE ONE OF OUR TRACKS AS A .CD-
SINGLE, AND WE TOLD HIM TO FUCK OFF.AND 
GO TO HELL, THEN HE GOT THE CHAIN.SAW OU
T..'.  THE ALBUM ITSELF CONTAINS EIGHT O
F .SATAN'S BEST KNOWN TRACKS, PERFORMED.
LIVE DURING THEIR ONLY ONE AND SHORT.LIV
ED TOUR OF LITHUNIA. STARTING OFF.WITH '
EAT YOUR FECES', WHICH MUCOUS.PERFORMS H
ER FAMED DUO-TRIANGLE SCREECH.SOLO, THE 
BAND LAUNCHES INTO WHAT THEY.AFFECTIONAL
LY CALL 'SATAN'S LULLABY'.BUT WHICH IS E
NTITLED ON THE ABLUM AS.NAZI DEATH CAMP 
CAFETERIA... AFTER TWO.MORE NONDESCRIPT 
TUNES, 'PUKE IN THE.BIRDBATH' AND NAPALM
 TAMPON', THE BAND.MELLOWS OUT AS THEY P
ERFORM AN .EXCELLENT COVER OF PHIL COLLI
NS' "ONE.MORE NIGHT" DURING WHICH, AS CL
AIMED.BY FRONT-ROW WITNESSES, SPIT PERSO
NALY.SUMMONS THE DEVIL AND HAS HIMSELF.D
ISEMBOWLED BEFORE THE EXICITED CROWD..AT
 THIS POINT THE BAND TAKES A SLIGHT.BREA
K..  AFTER A 15 MINUTE INTERMISSION, SAT
AN.COMES BACK ON STAGE AND SLAMS RIGHT.I
NTO SPITS FAVORITE TRACK 'BLOOD-DEMON.WI
TH A HAIRNET'   WINDING DOWN THE .ABLUM 
IS 'SEX IN THE FURNACE' IN WHICH.VON TRA
PP RIPS INTO HIS CRITICALLY-.ACCLAIMED D
RUM SOLO DURING WHICH HE.THROWS LIVE EXP
LOSIVES INTO THE .AUDIENCE EVERY ALNERAT
E DRUMBEAT. THE .FINAL AND MOST MOVING O
F ALL TRACKS IS.'LEPER LOVER FROM THE SE
WER' WHICH .STARTS OFF AS AN A CAPPELLA/
KAZOO.VERSION OF 'SEE ME, FEEL ME' BEFOR
E.TEARING INTO THE AUDIENCE AS THE BLOOD
.CURLING 19-MINUTE, THREE CHORD SONG THA
TIS.....................................
........                                
       .................................
......                                  
     ...................................
.....  DISTORTER TALKS WITH SATAN !!!...
........................................
[.EDITORS NOTE: THE FOLLOWING INTERVIEW.
 WAS GRANTED IN PREPARATION OF THE BANDS
SOLD OUT CHARITY CONCERT FOR V.D.. TREAT
MENT OF SLUTS. FOR THOSE WHO ARE. NOT GO
ING TO BE THERE, HERES AN INSIGHTINTO WH
AT MAKES THIS BAND TICK....]...DISTORTER
: .HOW DID YOUR BAND COME               
   TOGETHER?...HELEN MUCOUS: .HOW'D YOU 
LIKE ME TO STICK              A FORK IN 
YOUR EYE, .              ASSHOLE?..B. VO
N TRAPP : .WE MET DURING A MUTUAL.      
         DRUG BUST IN LIECHTENSTEI      
         N....LUCIFER SPIT: .IVE GOT A P
ET LEMMING,.              WOULD YOU LIKE
 TO SEE IT?....DIST: .NO THANKS. UH WHAT
 HAVE BEEN YOUR.      PRIMARY MUSICAL IN
FLENECES?...H.M.: .WARS, CONSTRUCTION SI
TES, PAT .      BOONE....B>V.T: .SOUNDTR
ACKS TO ROGERS AND.       HAMMERSTEIN MU
SICALS, THE SCUM-.       SUCKING NAZI BO
NERS, AND DURAN.       DURAN....SPIT: .M
Y LEMMING LIKES RIMSKY-KORSAKOV.      AN
D BRUSSEL SPROUTS. ARE YOU SURE.      YO
U DONT WANT TO SEE HIM?...DIST: ..NO NOT
 REALY..WHATS YOUR .      PHILOSOPHY OF 
LIFE? I MEAN .ARE YO      GUYS INTO WEIR
D RELIGIONS OR.      ANYTHING?...SPIT: .
MY LEMMING BIT THE HEAD OFF A .      WHI
PPER ONCE. HE ALSO LIKES TO .      PLAY 
CRICKET. HES REALLY GOOD,.      WOULD YO
U LIKE TO SEE HIS FAVE.      BALL?...H.M
.: .PISS OFF, CUM-BREATH! HOW CAN .     
 THERE BE A GOD WHEN HE ALLOWS US.      
TO BE ON THE RAG EVERY MONTH!.      WHY 
IS IT HE LETS US GET CRABS .      JUST F
ROM SCREWING? AND V.D.!.      DAMNIT, TH
ATS JUST THE KIND OF          THING WE C
ANT STAND! IT'S KINDA         HARD TO SI
NG UP ON STAGE WHEN.      YOUR CAMEL-TOE
 IS ITCHING!...DIST: .SO THATS THE REASO
N FOR THIS .      CHARITY CONCERT?...H.M
.: .YEA, ASSWIPE, WHAT ABOUT IT? WHAT   
    ARE YOU ONE OF THOSE COMPUTER.      
GEEKOIDS WHOS NEVER FELT A TIT          
BEFORE?...SPIT: .MY LEMMING LIKES TITS..
....BV>T.: .SO DO I. REAL BIG ONES, THAT
 I           CAN BURY MY FACE IN AND MOA
N.       'SLAM ME, PIG!'...DIST: .HOW DO
 YOU LIKE TOURING? YOU KNOW.      GOING 
OUT ON THE ROAD?...H.M. .YEA I KNOW WHAT
 TOURING MEANS,.     CHEESE DICK! ITS OK
 CEPT THAT WE        KEEP RUNNING OUT OF
 DRUGS......BV.T.: .I ENJOY HAVING SLUTS
 AROUND ME.       IN MY PANTS WHILE I PL
AY!...SPIT: .MY LEMMING KNOWS HOW TO MIX
 .      CEMENT AND FILL OUT COMPLICATED.
      INSURANCE FORMS. HE ALSO OWNS A.  
    LAW FIRM, WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE.    
  HIS BUSINESS CARD?...DIST: .PLEASE, NO
. I ALREADY GOT ONE..      WHAT CAN WE E
XPECT FROM TONIGHTS.      SHOW?...H.M.: 
.WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK WE'RE.      
GONNA DO? MADONNA COVERS?...BV.T.: .WELL
, WE SHOULD HAVE SOME MUSIC.       THERE
 SOMEWHERE. BUT THERE WILL.       BE LOT
S OF BLOOD AND SHIT....SPIT: .HEY ILL SE
T MY LEMMING ON FIRE.      AND PLAY IT W
ITH MY TEETH! ARE.      YOU .REALLY, REA
LLY SURE .YOU DONT.      WANT TO SEE IT?
...DIST: .OH ALRIGHT ALREADY. LETS SEE T
HIS.      DAMNED LEMMING......H.M.: .STA
ND BACK!!...SPIT: .(UNZIPS FLY AND BRAND
ISHES               MEMBER) SEE, THIS IS
 MY LEMMING..      ISNT HE NICE AND FURR
Y? WOULD           YOU LIKE TO PET HIM?.
..DIST: ..THATS DIGUSTING. IM LEAVING...
........................................
....OK SO MUCH FOR THE FIRST ISSUE OF TH
IS..WONDERFUL NEW PERVERTED MAG.........
.......................................D
ISTORTER MAGAZINE .IS PUBLISHED WHERE.EV
ER WE DAMN PLEASE. THE LOCATION OF THEED
ITORIAL AND PRODUCTION D.FACILITIES IS.N
ONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS. .DISTORTER..R
ESERVES THE RIGHT TO INCLUDE LIBEL AND.P
ISS EVERYBODY OFF....(C) 1989 DISTORTER 
MAGAZINE ...ALL RIGHTS RESERVED...YOUR E
DITOR: .T.H.E .A.T.A.M.A.N..............
.............................
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